That guy's a Maniac...

I have decided to write a little review on this baby as I have just completed it after a year of not playing it, and I should note that it wasn’t the quality of the game, that make me not play it, it was that goddamn World of Warcraft, it came into my life and well, all my "other" gaming has suffered. Anyways, shall we? Devil May Cry 3 it’s the third in the series, but in name only, this game (at least plot-wise) is a prequel to the first Devil may cry. For those of you who don’t know Devil may cry, it is a 3rd person action game centred around “Dante” a sword and gun wielding half-human, half-Devil. This time round Dante is not the cool smooth anti-hero he was in the other games, he is a mouthy, angry fun-loving teenager, which is a very welcome change from “Devil May Cry 2”, where Dante appeared to have lost all of his quirky-ness and remained a virtually silent protagonist. Dante, to the non-devil-may-cry-aware, may seem a little cheesy, the concept of a demon in a re...

So everyone and their dog is doing this at the moment thanks to this site here but what the hell. If you are going to steal them at least call your old lady Cunzy11 next time you bang her.

Here is my first ever review of Resident Evil: Deadly Silence written in the styles of some popular magazines. The HEDGE review "As I put the catridge into my DS there is a sudden tightening of my trousers. I put down the DS on my perspex limited edition Katamari table in my expensive North London penthouse squat and venture into the bathroom. I strip naked and watch myself in the mirror whilst fondling my manhood. I write for HEDGE, I write for HEDGe. The pummeling gets faster. I am new games journalism I pant. I'm going to lick it off, I'm GOING TO LICK IT OFF...OH.... NMmmmm. I replace my now flacid new games journalist member. I decide not to lick it off . That idea was madness. But I do write for HEDGE magazine- 7/10 " The Official Redendo Magazine review "This is perhaps the greatest version of Resident Evil on any console ever. The only resident evil game to feature a microphone and touchscreen. Can't wait for the Pi i version. If you like this you...

Now I have to admit it... I really like gamespot I love their reviews! and the Podcast is actually funny. But enough Arse licking! I was reading a cool article on "Top 5 games you haven't played but you should. " with some quite interesting stuff in there. And plus it scarily shows up how ignorant these guys are, and they are supposed to be the forefront in games news. However, and this may just be blatant jealously because these guys work for Gamespot writing articles for games for a living, the first article on the "Top 5 list of why we shoudn't work in the games industry" is written but a guy who has perhaps the FUNNIEST name i have ever heard EVER: Guy Cocker. Guy Cocker! the list of gay jokes are almost limitless! I feel like writing to this guy and making him do an article on "Top 5 gay jokes based on my name" That would be good reading! The second pleb to get interviewed for the "Top 5 reasons to not listen to the Gamespot UK reviews...

lWhew! I am alive. I wasn't dead. Here is what happened About a week ago there was an incident involving zombies in the outskirts of London City. During this incident my father was murdered so I went seeking vengeance with a big sword . After finding a pirate , who I thought was responsible, and beating him I learned that it was me who killed my father. I went mental for a bit and ended up wandering into a science facility . No sooner had I turned up than something happened transporting me to an alien planet . After what seemed like forever I was picked up by a passing ship . Upon arriving on earth I found out that my mother have died so I flew to my home town . After the funeral I stuck around and found out that the old hood was in a right state so me and my homies set about cleaning it up that was until a giant monster turned up. We eventually felled the foul beast and I went back to my house only to find it wasn't my house anymore. So I moved to a new house in a new cit...

As a sort of follow up to this post , I’d like to give you guys a little insight to the “endgame” in WoW, or at least my view so far on it. As far as I can see there are really only 2 directions you can go in once you hit lvl60, the first is PvP and the second is to go raiding. So I have dabbled in a bit of both: PvP: This consists of doing Battle Grounds over and over. When you do battle grounds you gain two things Reputation and honour. You gain reputation with the faction you are fighting for the more you get of this allows you to buy cooler things from their vendor, usually armour and weapons. You gain honour for killing things in general in the game for any PvP activities including just killing a random player from the opposite faction. Honour is well complicated but essentially, your characters PvP activities are calculated every Wednesday morning for the whole week and you gain honour from it, as you proceed up the ranks, gaining more honour you are able to buy very cool armo...

I was thinking right, with the invention of ePaper that there will be more and more and more need for regularly updated sites, so that people can check it whenever they want. And you know when do people want a quick read? In the toilet! And well I think we should corner this market and change our name to “That Guys a Maniac… why’d he bite me? Updated every time you go for a shit.” We may need some market research: How often do you expunge your bowels? What is your estimated reading time when making a deposit? Opinions?

Right you see this Smug bastard: He’s the fucking cunt responsible for the depraved filth seen on TV nowadays, and I am not talking about weird porn or snuff films I mean this fucking Advert . It’s disgusting sickening and I’m sure it can be linked to recent homicides in the UK. For those of you who care these are the lyrics: They’re gonna taste great They’re gonna taste great Tony (Cunt): Well everybody knows Frosties taste great. Even ladies who wait. Or a pi-rate. And you teenage brother who’s out on a date. If you live in Aus, Mate. Or the empire state. They’re gonna taste great They’re gonna taste great They’re gonna taste great Fuck you kellogs.

Yeah so today’s GameFaqs Poll is "Who do you think will win the next-gen console war?". For now we set aside the fact that this is blatant propaganda, and is unjustifiably fuelling the fires of hate for game systems every where. But let us also note the winner, or at least the current contender for winning. It’s the “Wii” by a whopping 45%. This really does seem promising people are seeing that although underpowered the games will be good. Well that’s one interpretation of it, of course it could easily be that its only morons who like the novelty of the wand controller. Or indeed GameFaqs could just be over-run with Nintendo fan-boys… Hmm I wonder. FYI: I voted for “I think they will all do well” not that I am middle-of-the-road fuck, but also because they all will do well. I have a feeling Xbox360 will get the finger out soon and drop the price, they also have Xbox live arcade which is brilliant, Sony will be a specced-out beast with Final fantasy’s Resident evils and ...

So you’ll probably have noticed that Cunzy11 is missing from That guys … Well that’s because he has gone AWOL, presumed dead. We’ll be tracking him down and we expect him extracted from whichever Circle of hell he’s got himself trapped in this time, soon. We’ll be checking Circle #7.3.2 first, as he usually ends up there…

Right well the Transformers live action movie. From the scraps I have found on the internet: 1. The main plot is that there are 2 humans (boy and girl, spewy romantic potential). 2. Bumblebee is not a VW Beetle. 3. Megatron is not a Gun, but a spaceship(?) 4. Soundwave will be a CD player. 5. There will be transforming Xbox360s and iPods. All this may sound shit, but check out the site : When it started up I think I came a little bit. And here’s a little MP3 to keep you going till July 2007.

Right so for a laugh I am doing an online Gaymers survey now, so far the test has been quite innocent, aside from the making me feel guilty for clicking “never” for things like “actively playing a part in your (offline) community” or “Contacting a local MP”. I have now reached page 2 and things are hotting up! “In Western societies, our culture tends to try to impose a binary categorization of gender, a socially constructed notion of what is feminine and what is masculine. Where would you place yourself on this continuum?” I won’t get bogged down in the semantics of “imposing a binary categorisation of gender” as I can’t really be bothered with the ambiguity of the statement! But what a brilliant question, needlessly wordy, might I suggest, “Do you consider yourself:” as an alternative to that question. The answers are almost as fantastic as the question e.g. “My concept of my own gender is not on this continuum.” Oh crap… “Have you ever been romantically or sexually attracted to a v...

First of all, for those of you who don know, Bif Naked is primarily the main singer in the band "Bif Naked". But she has also been known to dabble elsewhere. Notably as the voice of Zoe from SSX Tricky, “ I can see my house from here ”. But had also starred in the terrible film House of the Dead , and had made loads of TV appearances, including Buffy: the vampire slayer. Anyway so for like the first time EVER Bif Naked has performed in the UK as a support act for some pishy band called Alterbridge . And well She played on Friday 9 th June at the ABC venue in Glasgow , So I paid my money just to see Bif Naked, and fucked off before crappy Alterbridge came on. Well, the gig was short , she played mostly new stuff but it was still awesome! However! No one knew her! I was gutted! A crowd of lifeless plebs all just staring blankly! I was RAGING! “APPRECIA TE THE BIF!” So on behalf of Glasgow I want to extend an apology for the MINDLESS PHILISTINES! And we a...

In the small hours of Saturday night/Sunday morning I finally did it! I reached Level 60! After hours and hours of grinding , questing and farming I finally did it, My Mage hit Level 60! Let me take you through it: Me pointing at the "mob" that's gonna take me to level 60 Me hitting level 60! Me dancing on the remains of the "mob" If you are interested, or want to give me Gold/Items/Cybaaaaaaaar, my server is Runetotem, and I am a Human Mage called Richie….

He is actually still-a-fucking- alive . Ed, we're not worthy! We're not worthy. For those of you who haven't read this blog or played disc 12 of PlayPlusses (or Some old magazine) Demo Disc, Ed Federmeyer is a god. Do you remember Net Yaroze Playstations? They were black and people could program really shit games. They cost about 4 grand and for a while every magazine used to have a section on their demo disc with a selection of the same 9 homebrew "This is what you can do with Net Yaroze"games. Most of them were poor but one game, Haunted Maze , was head and shoulders above all games then and since. You played as a man in a maze..... anyway the best game ever, and whilst it loaded the game up it told you that Ed Federmeyer made it in three weeks. Even now when we have a get together at some point in the evening Haunted Maze goes on and it takes a force of nature to get it turned off, so we can carry on playing not-free, this gen games.

Well, yesterday I found this article (on Game Girl Advance , well you've got to pretend right? Whats the point of going online if you can't pretend to be a girl anyway), read all three posts, and thought WOW! They have kinda done what I mused about here . A great place for people to go and game in comfort, with leagues, big screens, spectators, games for sale usw. usw.! So I checked out the Game Time Nation homepage and it's been closed now for about two years. Nevermind. That's that experiment I can cross of my list of things to do.

Just as a follow up to Cunzys Letters to Mr Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo: I realised in some way each one of these companies is striving to get you to play the games that they want you to play: Example 1: Sony – Hmm, these are the least evil, however they pile out any shite possible on the system. Example 2: Microsoft – Quote: “Fuck back compatibility! You will only play our (Huge range) of new 360 games… Dicks.” Example 3: Nintendo – These guys are the worst! Not only are they fucking releasing what they feel like localising to Europe , but they also tell you how you should play it! Fuck that if I want to play Animal Crossing for 6 hours then not touch it for a month I will! Laters

Yeah that’s right, I am posting about Mobile games! As well, unfortunately I am an osmotic expert in this area. Now I know ‘gamers’ quickly dismiss mobile gaming, and quite rightly so, there is a myriad of terrible cash-ins, all because there are fucking retards out there that are willing to buy screensavers, wallpapers, ringtones and games based on fads (Crazy frog anyone). And all these fucking mobile distribution fucks do is charge it to their mobile accounts for a picture or a midi file, if anybody just realised the 90% of the phones out there have pc connectivity you could download a better jpeg/midi file and be slightly more individual. Conclusion if you EVER even THINK about downloading a ringtone from one of those FUCKING ADVERTS on music channels, you are a braindead fuck who doing nothing but contributing to the lowering of standards of media everywhere, YOU “SUN” READING FAECAL ABORTION! All that’s aside in amongst the shit there are actually some good games which are well ...

Ok so, yesterday was a bit ranty so here is some medicine to remind me why I bother. For years I’ve lived a double life. In the day I do my job, I ride the bus, Roll up my sleeves with the hoi polloi. But at night I live a life of exhilaration, Of missed heartbeats and adrenaline, And, if the truth be known, A life of dubious virtue. I won’t deny I’ve been engaged in violence, Even indulged in it. I have maimed and killed adversaries, And not merely in self defence. I have exhibited disregard for life, Limb, And property, And savoured every moment. You may not think it to look at me, But I have commanded armies, And conquered worlds. And though in achieving these things I have set morality aside, I have no regrets. For though I’ve led a double life At least I can say, I have lived. Still as effective now. Video here. Although almost everyone is naked in this vid.

Mr.Nintendo What the fucking fuck are you up to. You are the penultimate offender on my list but you re the worse. Simply I tell you: If you hate European gamers soooo much then don’t bother at all. Just fuck off. You re so bad that this genius has set up a site just to track how crap you are. Let’s examine your naughtiness. NES, SNES and N64. Okay these were alright despite the fact we only ended up with 30% of the games that came out in Japan and America but an impressive backlist nonetheless; Goldeneye, Super Mario everything, Killer Instinct, Zelda etc. (I say etc. but what I mean is that is it. Perfect Dark doesn’t count. It was terrible. It really was). You even managed to make Star Wars games good which was a first. Gameboy. King of handhelds, can’t be faulted still going kinda. Awesome right on dudes. Gamecube. This is where you stopped not giving a fuck about Europe and started actively hating it. The launch games came out two years after the console. Any original or good gam...

Mr.Sony You’ve been a constant joy for so many years. Just look at your back catalogue. My wish list is still longer than the Xbox 360 release list. We’ve had laughs, tears, fear and comfort. Memories of the PSX are happy memories Colony Wars, Micro Machines, Dino Crisis, Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Theme Hospital, Quake 2, Syndicate Wars, Silent Hill… The list is endless. The end of the PSX was like getting a favourite dead pet dog stuffed. It was still around, you could still have intercourse with it and you could make your brand new dog still have intercourse with it. Then you started to be naughty. “Four ports for joypads” you said “Easy Peasy Online” you said. But these things didn’t transpire. So now we have to own two different multitaps for PSX games and PS2 games. But it didn’t matter you gave us more Silent Hills, 3D Grand Theft Auto, Quake 3, Dynasty Warriors, Burnout, TImesplitters, SSX Tricky, Project Eden, Metal Gea… The list is endless. There was no point in owning a gam...

What is the point in having an E3 or a Serious Games Summit or any of these events when BEING A GAMER IN EUROPE IS LIKE BEING A MONK IS LAS VEGAS. It’s hard to find a nice new habit to buy, no-one will give be a bowl haircut. There are no bible, or other religious merchandise, shops. Also the “churches” they have are an insult to real churches. What I’m trying to say is that following this post and after certain comments from Chuff_72 . I have a big beef with four, lets call them, people: Mr.Nintendo, Mr.Sony, Mr.Micrsoft and Mr.GAME. I’m willing to put aside all petty grievances and differences and I think gamers of Europe should come together and rebel! (Although exactly what form this rebellion will take is beyond me? Maybe we should all buy gizmondos and Dreamcasts until the four evils give in to our demands. Mr. Microsoft. What the fucking fuck are you doing? You have had a YEAR (and counting) headstart on the other next-gen console (I say other because a name, a new controller a...

Wow, one of our growing ranks of commentors (now we have a readership of 3!) has requested that is post this little poem I composed here. It was first published on my old blog . This new release also comes with a special author's comment at the end. Oh Spuddy! You are my first gun You are my worst gun It takes you three shots to blow up barrels And with your negative zoom and miniscule crosshair It is easier to no-scope But you are always there for me You're not like the other guns, Drip feeding me ammo for lazy setpieces I cannot collect too much ammo for you Sometimes you have infinite ammo And when I've spunked my grenades on peons And used my automatic weapons on bigger guys And I have to face a boss and I didn't save at the last checkpoint There you are useless, small but reliable Sometimes you have a silencer Sometimes you have a semi-automatic mode But I know, when I want to write rude words with bullet holes I can count on you, The only permanent slot in my inve...

As it turns out there is a game coming out soon that i care about: 30th June: Super Dragonball Z from Atari Oddly enough this bad boy doesnt get a review on Gamespot, but hey... Once it comes out, the That Guy's... guys will surely post a review. I own most of the current gen Dragonball Z games: Dragonball Budokai - GC Dragonball Budokai 2 - PS2 Dragonball Budokai 3 - PS2 Dragonball Budokai Tenkaichi - PS2 There was some Bullshit Dragonball Z game (Sagas) that came out in the US which got the worst reviews, and is not worth playing as it doesnt even encompas the full plot of Dragonball Z. And i dont own the PSP (Shin Budokai) one beacuse well, i dont own a PSP, nor do i ever want to own one.

We have all been strafing round docks and warehouses belonging to yet another Mr.Bigevilscientist, shooting generic balaclava man No.69, who is conveniently hugging an explosive barrel, before pressing identical lever No.23 before sprinting to disabled access-unfriendly door that stays open for just enough time to make it No.22. BUT, it can be argued that when AI cocks up or NPCs act squiffy it can be more chilling than the bit with the doll in Silent Hill 4: the Room. Now, as all (two) of you know I’ve been playing the same six console games for about 40 years now so I’m in an IDEAL POSITION to get on my high horse and tell you-tales of (virtual) worldly adventures and the glitches that have the power to force involuntary anal outbursts or insurmountable rage. Tomb Raider and (as Chuff_72 points out) the original Driver were poster games for the fall through the wall/floor into 360° sky glitch. In fact, most games if you push them hard enough will cough you out into an endless, yet s...

Step 7. Get Home. Yeah pretty much the same deal as last time, I seemed to leave everything to the VERY last minute, managing to get on the train/plane etc. just in time. Although there was one thing that bugged me: I don’t know how many of you have travelled on the London Underground and the Glasgow Underground within a few hours of each other. Well I did and I can say Glasgow Underground Is a bit of a disappointment when compared to the London Underground. Now I have used the Glasgow underground (Clockwork Orange) for many years now but stepping on it after the wonders of the London Underground (timed tubes, digital displays for where the tube is going, voices telling you information about where the train is going, and a lovely woman who tells you to “Mind the Gap”) just made the Glasgow underground seem like a fisher price toy . The underground is dated to say the least its retro 70’s architecture and retro 70’s upholstery doesn’t do it any favours. T...

HELP DESPERATELY REQUIRED!! I need help from you! (by you, I mean Richie and our pseudo-anonymous commentor). I recently bought myself a DS (Yeah, yeah. I know the DSlite is coming out soon but I'm a big guy and I'm worried that i might either eat the dinky thing or end up covering the touch screen with my fat digits). Anyway, I have Mario Kart DS , Advance Wars Dual Strike and Nintendogs. Of course you understand that Nintendogs was part of a bundle, despite what the man at GAME will tell you. It wasn't Mario Kart at all. I still have to train my dog properly (at the moment he sits down about 1 in every 10 times I tell him to, despite the fact that on his tricks menu he has "learned" this skill), I still have to finish the missions and the 150cc cups and I've still to finish campaign mode not to mention my desire to go online with MK. But I want a new game too. Due to Nintendo's passionate hate for Europe ( Wario Ware Twisted anyone ? Have you tried to...

Step 6. Break into the Big Brother house. Too Drunk, and Cunzy didn’t know where the house was… Step 6: Break into the Big Brother house. FAILED. Score: Richie 4: London 2 To be continued....

This month the “ That Guy’s a Maniac… ” Award goes to: “Xzin” This guy is apparently organising a 40 man raid in WoW which he will be controlling himself. For those of you who are WoW-illiterate: 40 man raids are when a group of 40 people, who have reached the end of the game, enter an event where they have to kill very hard enemies and boss characters, mostly to collect some of the more “epic” items to improve their character. The 40 man raids have to be ‘balanced’ i.e. they will have an even spread of all the different character classes (mages, paladins, warriors, hunters, priests etc.) all of which have their own role within the game. Anyway this guy is apparently gonna control all 40 characters... Good luck Xzin, and Congrats you are a Maniac More here .

Cunzys post a hard act to follow but I am gonna blindly try. Much of what Cunzy was saying is true the "pick up and play" games are a lot of fun, but of course there are all sorts of games out there. Of course there would have be some way of defining games which is something I have been working on for a long time, and by "defining games" I don't mean RTS, FPS, RPG etc… because I believe that there is a deeper element to video games, of which I call the "Gaming Core" (copyright Richie 2006). Basically these can be divided into Good games and crap games, However for now let's have a basic look at how far I have got: Emotional core: Games with the epic story lines, rich plot and evoke a strong emotional response. Which is of course what draws you in and makes you want more… E.g. Silent Hills, Final Fantasy Series. Skills core: This is development of in-game skills such as timing, combos, and special moves. Inherent of b...

You honestly couldn't have scripted it more perfectly if you tried. Well not here anyway because we use a certain amount of autistic licence with our spelling and grammar. Gay (in the 13 year old sense) bloggers don't like football. Now I'm no sportsman myself, I've dabbled with Football and Rugby and Richie famously appeared on the Silver screen as a rugby player but it takes a certain breed of San Fransisco, blogger, ex-goth, OMG I heard my cat wheezing at 4 this morning so I had to take it to the vet, oh god what would I do if he died? Sicknote Sam to make an Indie video about it! Is it because you can't run very fast? I imagine there were jocks at your high-school? In Europe it is compulsory to like football and/or feign liking it, especially around Euro or World Cup time unless you are a girl in the biological sense or a girl in the other sense.

The “future of gaming” is the new "are games art" question of new games journalism . Every amateur hack is whining on about whether it should be graphics? (Sony Lies, Xbox Lies and Nintendo Statistics) User-created ipodcatowningsecondlifesanfransisconofightingflickrpishimadeafourtyfootmodel ofmycatlisteningtoanipod? (Second Life) Or emotional storytelling (Ummm…) Well Fuckward journos if you put your mac down for two seconds we here at That Guy’s will set you straight. First of all games are inherently broken. Fix them please by following my easy recipe here . Secondly, fuck-online play. Soooo many console games have a one player mode, no splitscreen mode and a hashed-out-deathmatch-only-crappy-level-online aspect to it. Sure keep doing your MMORPGs but make fighting compulsory and let people ambush the guilds who endlessly hang around the hubs talking to each other. Now, if you want to make the next thing in gaming, I’m going to give the recipe to you right here and now: 1)...

As much as i hate blogs which link to youtube: 1. David Bowie 2. More David Bowie 3. Echoes 4. More Echoes Enjoy!

Step 5. See David Gilmour. Yep well, this was the main reason I even ventured out of grey rainy Scotland . The concert was on Monday 29 th May at the Albert hall. And was IMMENSE, seriously one of the best fucking gigs of my life, EVER!!! For those of you who don’t know David Gilmour is, he is the Lead Vocalist and Guitarist in Pink Floyd, and if you don’t know who Pink Floyd are then: fuck off, curl up and die, and burn in hell you fucking philistine. I’d like to see anyone top this gig, I dare you: David Gilmour. Richard Wright (Pink Floyd vocalist/keyboardist). Crosby and Nash (From Crosby , Stills, Nash and Young) as his Harmony Vocals. David Gilmour. The Whole of his new album: On an Island. A 20 minute version of Echo’s ( a la Live in Pompeii ) David Gilmour. David Bowie!* David Gilmour. *Yeah! David Fucking Bowie ! The last two songs Daid Gilmour says, “I’d like to introduce on stage a good friend of mine… Mr David Bowie” then he sings the Syd Barrett s...

Hey Zangief nice ears! Have you ever thought about male modelling? With that beard and that bulge , gamers of all persuasions would lust after you. Hey, in fact whilst other "boys" were pausing the screen whilst Chun-Li was kicking to get a flash of the pixellated gash but I was pausing you to get a nice ass shot .

Step 4. Purchase/Drink a Cosmopolitan with a Straight face. This was a Challenge actually set by one of the Scottish. The plan was to go to some “upmarket” pub/club and actually order a Cosmopolitan with a straight face. A fairly easy challenge, however due to the fact that London is big and Me and Cunzy have no sense of direction we failed miserably to even find a fucking “upmarket bar”. Hell we even fucked up going to the XL Centre in London’s Docklands for some Cars-tits-sports-jaropening conference (anime and video game conference) , we ended up in Islington because: 1. Islington has a conference centre 2. It’s in London Step 4: Purchase/Drink a Cosmopolitan with a Straight face. DENIED. Score: Richie 3: London 1 To be continued....

Cunzys top 10 computer game characters he like to get screenshots/photos of cos-players of, so that he can get hard, as nothing else does it now. Zangief Barret (but only with the Comedic Punching Glove weapon) Steiner All Kingdom Hearts Characters Nanaki (Red XIII) and his dad when he cries Paras Sweet Tooth Blinky Bill (shadow of memories) Walter Sulivan (Silent Hill 4) Default Man