Exciting E3 news!

Bored of Summer shitty games? Want something more than news about more crappy rock updates for Rock Band/Guitar Hero? E3 is here to deliver. Every year E3 has a theme. This year the theme is "innovation" and the line up of games on show really underpins that.

New Resident Evil 5 trailer!- Like Resident Evil 4 but shinier with vehicle sections.

Final Fantasy XIII- Like Final Fantasy X but shinier with more androgenous characters/airships and the same summons etc. from every other game. Vehicle sections yet to be confirmed.

Gear of War 2- Like Gears of War but with vehicles.

Dante confirmed for Soul Calibre IV!- Like Soul Calibur III but with Dante.

Metal Gear Flaccid 4 special edition- With extra cutscenes and the option to turn "jam" on/off because it's wacky you see! It's random and wacky! Kojiiiima is a random whacko! Woo! Woo! I am a train.

Rockband 2 Band Manager peripheral- Introduce yet another key aspect of being in a real band! Mobile phone peripheral allows the manager to order coke whilst the band plays. Peripheral priced at $600 and £111400 for the UK. Also, Rockband 2 set to include vehicle sections and dual wielding.

Galaga sequel planned- Remember Galaga? No? Well it was shit then and is shit now but a sequel is coming. Potentially with vehicle sections.

Wii Talking about shoes and whinging about boyfriends announced- Comes with shoes peripheral that carve up your feet and improve your blister plaster applying skills.

Gangland Marine Dizzy- The first new Dizzy game in 50 years! Play as Dizzy through an open world of warehouses and post apocalytpic ghetto areas. Fight generic aliens and use an innovative cover system! Vehicle section tbc.

Ubisoft announces new Ubisfotz game for the DS- Play as a real world Ubisoft employer! Come up with derivative copy cat games to earn money!

Wow. Exciting times readers. Exciting fucking times.