No Matter if you're Black or White

As everyone knows by now Resident Evil 5 is coming to both the Xbox 360 and the PlayStation 3. This week capcom announced some of the DLC which will be available for specific versions. We've gots the lowdown here mofos:

Xbox 360

1000mp Resident Evil 1 Rocket launcher. If you don’t purchase this then upon start up you are faced with the “you are dead” screen from the end of the PlayStation Resident Evil 1. Because there was no rocket launcher Chris died at the end of RE. Buying this content means that Chris didn’t die and you can play Resident Evil 5 as per usual.

450mp Training for Chris. After purchasing this content Chris can fire weapons and throw grenades without risk of hurting himself, fumbling reloads or turning the safety on and off.

200mp Lemsip for Chris. Upon purchasing this, Chris will stop occasionally sniffling or complaining about having a “stuffy head”.

300mp Zombies. Buying this content unlocks an extra zombie at the beginning of the second section.

450mp Hermit mode. This content unlocks an optional full on beard and tash for Chris.

5000mp Reverse racism. This content turns all black people into Japanese people as well as unlocking the option to play Chris as an inuit. Playing Chris as an inuit has no noticeable effect on the game except he complains that it is “too hot” after every save.

200mp Wafarin. You can buy this DLC as much as you want but if you don’t buy it at least every two minutes Chris dies of myocardial infarction.

369mp Shoes. Buy this to unlock shoes in the game of Resident Evil 5.

850mp West is Best. Unlocks Frank West as a playable character.

1050mp. Wester is Bester. Unlocks Frank West as a playable character without reducing text size to "unreadable".



PlayStation 3.

£4.50 Level Up. Without this content, the game starts at level 3. This DLC allows access to levels 1 and 4.

£24 Devil May Care. This purchase allows the players to choose Dante as a playable character.

£30 Ebony and Ivory. This content allows players to play as Dante (see above) with his guns this time.

£10 Ear syringe. This allows players to play Resident Evil 5 without constant a Tinnitus sound.

£5 Shell shocked. This allows players to experience the above mentioned tinnitus in stereo audio.

£.20 Fighting force. This content upgrades Chris and stops him from occassionally crying after he murders someone. It also takes him less time to aim his gun without twitching.

£2 Resident Evil 5 lamp. Unlocks a Resident Evil 5 lamp for Home (currently unavailable due date: tbc).

£8.50 Army of two. Unlocks Sheva’s other arm for use in story mode.

Pretty exciting huh guys? Which one are you going to go with? Personally I am going to wait for the Wii 2 version, after they remake zero for the Wii and remake the remake of the original for the Wii. Then they'll do a remake of resident evil 5 for the Wii 2 and it will have all this stuff already available from the start. I can't wait to play it circa 2048.