A friend in need
Semi-retired Ram Raider have come back out of retirement again again to bring us this news about a game called Darkfall. The essence of the issue, for those too lazy to hit the link is that Eurogamer staffer Ed Zitron was unfairly treated by the company behind Darkfall Online, Aventurine. Including the not deleting of personal details put up on a forum. Or something.
This is unfair treatment and an issue that we are happy to bring more attention to, through the time honoured review of Darkfall Online Boxart.
Cunzy1 1: What? No boxart?
Richie: No due to the cutbacks we can't afford to google images anymore so we'll have to review the game title itself.
Cunzy1 1: Another world first from TGAM. Second greatest etc. etc.
Richie: Hmmm. Darkfall. Doesn't that game exist?
Cunzy1 1: No you are thinking of Darkwatch.
Richie: No. I was thinking of the Darkness.
Cunzy1 1: Isn't that a band? Also, I was thinking of Dark Stalkers.
Richie: Racist.
Cunzy1 1: Not racist. But by finding me racist you are a racist.
Richie:?
Cunzy1 1: Because I am so not racist I can't see colour. Everyone is colourless. There is no race. If you think there is, you are racist.
Richie: So all those people who thought Resident Evil 5 was racist?
Cunzy1 1: Yes. Racists. The racists.
Richie: So Darkfall Online. Sounds like a game where you play as a black Hitler from Downfall.
Cunzy1 1: Maybe it's a game about wells. Or big caves.
Richie: Or the onset of night.
Cunzy1 1: So the final score? This is a review after all. Shall we review it ONM styleee?
Richie: Lets. Is it a Nintendo game?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Is it a Wiimake of a gamecube game?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Is it a capcom game?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Is it De Blob?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Does it have a screenshot of a character with fire coming out of their arse or face so we can print it with a hilarious "Curry" joke?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Okay 2/10.
Cunzy1 1: Cool. I've been Ed Zitron....
Richie: And I've been Ed Zitron. Shit now we are going to get abuse on our myspace page from Darkfall Online fans.
Cunzy1 1: Do we have a Myspace page? Does Myspace even exist still?
Richie: Yeah we set it up in 2003 when Myspace launched. We also have a Twitter page which we've had since 2006. When Twitter launched.
Cunzy1 1: Wow so the Guardian might do a cutting edge report on something we wrote on there 3 years ago?
Richie: Any day now I'm expecting our thoughts from yesteryear to be front page news. Such is the cutting edge of the newspapers.
Cunzy1 1: 'Ediacaran spokesperson, "Predicted extinction of us"'
Richie: Palaeontology jokes. "Exclusive, Resident Evil for PlayStation review"
Cunzy1 1: Indeed. Actually they could just run that review every year because at anytime across the globe Capcom are remaking Resident Evil. It's a perma-review.
Richie: Not so my friend!
Cunzy1 1: Shit. We sold out? When? I wondered why the decor seemed different. So will this post attract any hits?
Richie: Only bad ones. Only bad ones.
Cunzy1 1: Damn. Always the bride, never the bridesmaid.
Richie: Ain't that the truth.
This is unfair treatment and an issue that we are happy to bring more attention to, through the time honoured review of Darkfall Online Boxart.
Cunzy1 1: What? No boxart?
Richie: No due to the cutbacks we can't afford to google images anymore so we'll have to review the game title itself.
Cunzy1 1: Another world first from TGAM. Second greatest etc. etc.
Richie: Hmmm. Darkfall. Doesn't that game exist?
Cunzy1 1: No you are thinking of Darkwatch.
Richie: No. I was thinking of the Darkness.
Cunzy1 1: Isn't that a band? Also, I was thinking of Dark Stalkers.
Richie: Racist.
Cunzy1 1: Not racist. But by finding me racist you are a racist.
Richie:?
Cunzy1 1: Because I am so not racist I can't see colour. Everyone is colourless. There is no race. If you think there is, you are racist.
Richie: So all those people who thought Resident Evil 5 was racist?
Cunzy1 1: Yes. Racists. The racists.
Richie: So Darkfall Online. Sounds like a game where you play as a black Hitler from Downfall.
Cunzy1 1: Maybe it's a game about wells. Or big caves.
Richie: Or the onset of night.
Cunzy1 1: So the final score? This is a review after all. Shall we review it ONM styleee?
Richie: Lets. Is it a Nintendo game?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Is it a Wiimake of a gamecube game?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Is it a capcom game?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Is it De Blob?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Does it have a screenshot of a character with fire coming out of their arse or face so we can print it with a hilarious "Curry" joke?
Cunzy1 1: No.
Richie: Okay 2/10.
Cunzy1 1: Cool. I've been Ed Zitron....
Richie: And I've been Ed Zitron. Shit now we are going to get abuse on our myspace page from Darkfall Online fans.
Cunzy1 1: Do we have a Myspace page? Does Myspace even exist still?
Richie: Yeah we set it up in 2003 when Myspace launched. We also have a Twitter page which we've had since 2006. When Twitter launched.
Cunzy1 1: Wow so the Guardian might do a cutting edge report on something we wrote on there 3 years ago?
Richie: Any day now I'm expecting our thoughts from yesteryear to be front page news. Such is the cutting edge of the newspapers.
Cunzy1 1: 'Ediacaran spokesperson, "Predicted extinction of us"'
Richie: Palaeontology jokes. "Exclusive, Resident Evil for PlayStation review"
Cunzy1 1: Indeed. Actually they could just run that review every year because at anytime across the globe Capcom are remaking Resident Evil. It's a perma-review.
Richie: Not so my friend!
Cunzy1 1: Shit. We sold out? When? I wondered why the decor seemed different. So will this post attract any hits?
Richie: Only bad ones. Only bad ones.
Cunzy1 1: Damn. Always the bride, never the bridesmaid.
Richie: Ain't that the truth.
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