Alan Wake- This is not the Silent Hill you are looking for?

We managed to get our grubby mitts on awfully named Alan Wake this wochenende. Suffice to say we agree almost perfectly with unreliable Eurogamer's Eleanor Guitar. We almost agree except Mr Wake's constant auto-narrating grated on us even more. The game plays almost like how Silent Hill the movie watches.
In our mind he also looks a lot like Lucas not Lucas the other one from Indigo Prophecy 2 so all we really wanted to do was press X to Jason. To be fair, we didn't really press X to Jason much when we played Fahrenheit 2/11. Instead we used the time to check out hot mall chicks. We don't really do malls over here so checking out hot mall chicks was a first for us. It was a double first because when we played Indigo Prophecy 2 we were role-playing Lucas Lucas not Lucas as a transvestite so we were actually lesbian scoping for chicks instead of looking for our son. Bored already? Here's a screenshot from Alan Hill, William Hill's brother.
At this point in the game, you have to look for your son Jason. Back to Silent Wake. Wait, are we still reviewing the unreleased Alan Wake? We are so out of touch. Talking about Alan Wake is so last month. Instead let's talk about Alan Wake 2. We are so psyched after having not properly playing Alan Wake that we can't wait for Alan Wake 3. Alan Wake 2 you ask? Yesterdays' news over it. We can exclusively reveal that Alan Wake 3 may or may not be a prequel to Alan Wake, itself a prequel to Alan Wake 2. Future rumours may indicate that you can now dual wield a gun and a torch, two torches or two guns. You also play as Alan Wake's son, Jake Wake. Jake Wake has traveled back in time to Silent Hill Lake Pleasant Camp Crystal Lake and after pressing X meets a young Jason SPOILERS Voorhees. Then there is a vehicle section. Alan Wake 4 which will be developed by Rebellion is set in a series of flashbacks from Alan Wake 2 and Alan Wake 3. We can't confirm anything but Alan Wake 5 is a re-skinned Uno game for Xbox2020 Arcade.