That guy's a Maniac...

Due to the general time constraints of normal socially adjusted people, there’s barely enough time to play games let alone write about them. This is my disclaimer for this particularly navel gazing part 1 playthrough of Dead Space Extraction by squeezing out the most words with the least play time. In the industry, this is called 'reviewing games'. That and I loved the Runner series on Mirror’s Edge . Feel free to pick up a copy of this game and join in. Chip in with your thoughts. Also, it’s fair to say this is gonna be spoilerific. This article was written after two playthroughs of the first level. Prologue. I’m an old fashioned kinda gal. I still like to buy games from shops and I like my hard copy games to have a story associated with them. The story of Dead Space Extraction starts last year sometime. I’d played Dead Space in an idle half an hour on a friend’s console and after that I knew I liked it. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t play the first half and hour. I played a ran...

Like Mario? Got an Android 2.1 Smartphone? All that extra battery life getting you down? You need this! Đ

Dear M.I.A. In response you your recent, um, comments regarding kids getting trained for Afghanistan via the medium of videogames... Quote: "...t here's a whole generation of American kids seeing violence on their computer screens and then getting shipped off to Afghanistan...". This coming from the woman who got a kid to sing about folding paper planes and getting high. I would also like to state that there is a whole generation of kids going to school, and then going to university. disgraceful innit? Fuck off M.I.A. Love and hypocrisy, Richie X 

Tits? Check. Big gun? Check. Progress is so over rated. This is a screensht from Koei's Samurai Warriors 3. Not Samurai Warriors 3 but the Capcom one that looks just like it. In other news. This is an image of the new pokemon called Scrapebotto. Scrapebotto is a scraping the bottom of the barrel type Pokemon. Other new Pokemon announced are household appliances (did that), letters of the alphabet (also done before) and a new Pokemon which takes the shape of other Pokemon . All the ideas have been used. All of them. Just go for a squirrel thing, a walking ball thing and a Dr Robotnik Pokemon . Oh FFS.

What a nonsense. Video Games | Resident Evil: Revelations | E3 2010: Debut Trailer XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii It has always been a bit of nonsense but really?

I've just received my subscription copy of the latest Official Nintendo Magazine to find that they have a WORLD EXCLUSIVE on Goldeneye Wii. Which is brilliant because it is only two days behind the actual world exclusive announcement at E3. Okay, what, so maybe they wrote the article earlier but then had to put it in a bag to mail it out. So the exclusive was written before it was exclusively announced at E3 so technically it was at some point a world exclusive but only to the person who wrote it and an editor or two. If this is how exclusives really work then we're officially calling the exclusive on Gears of War 4, Megaman 18 through 21, FIFA 2012,2013 and 2014 and Colony Wars 4. You read it here first.

Some quick thoughts. Some of us aren't huge E3 fans here. But here is our unbiased thoughts about how Ninty's show went following the Microdisaster . First off, I'm not a LoZ fan at all so there was little in the first 20 minutes for me. Do the controls really need explaining anyway because they've BEEN THE SAME SINCE FOREVER . Also, BINGO Cringey Playthrough. The 'Universal Appeal' bit. What is Madden? What is NSomethingsomething2K? NBA? Although, we're happy that if we do buy Mario Sports Mix, we're confident we'll never need to buy another sports game again. Which is very clever and a bit dirty. But the HD fanboys will be too busy lamenting the casual-ty of it all to notice. Plus, there's some much needed couch multiplayer party games from the looks of things. You know games you can play without standing up KinLOLLOLLLOLect. STATISTICS. LIES. Well okay then, IN YOUR FACE HD CONSOLES. Move it along Reggie. Wii Party. Secretely excit...

Attending prior international affairs, means that today will be spent trying to hunt down fucking E3 videos (we just don't trust your spin) and catching up with the good ol' Nintendo Channel. Fortunately, a paltry FOUR videos since last time means it'll all be over soon and we can get back to finding E3 videos. Nintendo TV continues with episode two all about the 'Wii world cup'. This video feels oddly familiar pitting the Miis of various famous Englishmen against the Miis of various famous Germans in a five challenge in Wii Sports Resort, Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, Mario Kart and Wii Fit Plus. Why don't you create your own Wii World Cup? Nice idea ONM but a credit would be nice next time Chris. Super Mario Galaxy 2 has a third trailer up on the channel. Fortunately, it's a medley of the all those bits you've no doubt seen before so don't worry about more spoilers. We get the point Nintendo. We'll buy it already. Christ on ...

If E3 was the Gulf of Mexico and Kinect an oil spill you can find all the sickly oily penguins trying to work out what the fuck over here . E.g "It is not possible to make any serious hardcore game without a controller with this level of technology." Fact. Brilliant. Also, bingo .

So E3 then? So what do we have to look forward to in the next year for the 360? Ahem, Kinect. It's Wii style flappin, without the controller. It's all very sophisticated supposedly, it's like a really expensive webcam with features like face recognition. Apparently all you need to do is wave to select your profile... I'll believe that when I see it... I still resent that 15 minutes of switching profiles when I go to a mates house, but at least I don't need to get everyone in the room to look away when I enter my password, now I just... need... to... wave... Cough, The new Xbox. It's shiny, smaller, quieter, has a bigger hard disk, 5 USB ports and some special connection for Kinect, pretty much everything you could want in a "Slim" model. Achooo, Sequels. Gears of War, Halo, Fable, Call of Duty, Metal Gear. not to be sneezed at. Love and Sony/Ninty better be more interesting, Richie X

So yeah Dead Rising 2 (due out around Autumn) is gonna have playboy advertisements in it: Now as far as in game advertising goes, I'm not overly offended... But of course certain members of the games community are taking offence at this...  There was one guy - I shit you not - complaining, "great another game I cant play in front of my kids"... like really... REALLY!?! The game where you pick up a Stick and a Chainsaw, secure them together, to create some deadly hideous object, (Which I like to call a "Chick" or a "Stainsaw") and then swing it around dismembering the living dead, along with some rather nuts non-dead people... That game? BUT Now that it might have tits in it, your kids definitely can't look at it, what ass-backwards logic... Tool. Oh yeah, and it's not offensive to women or gays either, because neither women nor homoseckshuals will play/understand Dead Rising 2. So yeah, playboy meets the living dead. Let the Necrophi...

From EDGE " The Wii and DS markets have “collapsed”, according to Namco Bandai’s VP of sales, marketing and publishing Olivier Comte....... “It’s a tough market,” Comte told MCV . “We had a lot of product, and the average quality of a game on DS and Wii is very, very bad. So in the mind of the consumer today, to buy a DS or Wii game is to buy a game that isn’t very good." Namco's E3 lineup From ONM Namco Bandai Dragon Ball: Origins 2 (DS) Pac Man 2010 (TBC) . Okay so Pac Man 2010 might just be the Citizen Kane of games . No no. Fuck off Namco Bandai. Just fuck off.

The excellent Everybody Votes Channel on the Nintendo Wii has the uber Web 2.0 option for (l)users to submit questions for future polls. About a month ago I made the following suggestion: This has still not been a question on the channel yet so something must have gone wrong when I sent it in to Nintendo. I have emailed them this JPEG this time so they definitely won't miss it. Expect to see this question on the channel soon!

We all saw the rise, the fall, the rise again, the predictable re-fall, the return, the fall to rock bottom, the Hello! recovery special, the weight problems, the diet series, that Oprah show, those photos, that white powdery substance from that part of that Lickitung. Those ads, that smile, the love Omanyte scandal. But now. Defying the odds. HE. IS. BACK. AGAIN. The one, the only. Oma. Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar. Of course, there's no way we'd let comic 26 just go by uncelebrated so this one is with special guest star, that's right it's only fudging Omastar. No it's all different now. Some stars should be allowed to fall. Sell out. Selloutstar more like. Get me Octillery on the phone. We need a new star. TO BE CONTINUED

E3 again folks! E3 again! Want to see the games you'll be picking up for £10 in two months from now? Sure thing . Need some more ammunition to keep up those tired old 'console wars' between you and other moron-losers on the forum? Hey fuckface. It's Efunking3. Want to be told what shit you'll be eating next and exactly how to grin whilst you do it? Well then, you may have heard of a lil ol thing called E3. Here's our how to guide: 1) Find the official live E3 presentation stream a Danish pirate stream that occupies a small 2 by 3 cm screen with six or seven pixels worth of definition, get some popcorn and settle in to watch the laggy presentations whilst clueless meatheads keep asking "So am I supposed to play Gears 3 standing up?" over and over and over again in between the indistinguishable Danish chit chat in the 'open chat box'. 2) Milliseconds after anyone says anything Alt tab to the one of the myriad of fora you have open and type in LO...

We've finally got around to picking up a copy of the reasonably acclaimed De Blob for our Nintendo Wii. We have played the first couple of levels and out current analysis is: JOY. The sound, the colour, THE PURE HAPPY JOY. We're only three levels in; we hope that the Inkies don't suddenly turn into SUPER GENET(/R)IC MUTANT SOLDIERS or the game dramatically turns into a flight sim half way through because it's only a fundamental game change of that order that has the potential to ruin the rest of the game. It is a happy and pretty game and this cutscene might rank as one of our favourite game cutscenes of all time (well okay second to sexing a dead man ). The one we're on about is 2.28 in the video below, the favourite cutscene not the necrophilia one which can be found here . A lot of writers have been going on about the problem with ubiquitous violence in video games but a quick glance at the games shelf and Zack and Wiki, Another Code: Rubbish, De Bl...

Over at that other filthy site I sometimes write for I have a new article up about what would happen if Jesus, Charles Darwin, Adolf Hitler and Albert Wesker went head to head in bloody battle played some gentlemenly sports against each other. Something is wrong with the writing because at least three people have asked about the scores after the golf game. I say to ye, read the text carefully. Anyway as a special little gift to the TGAM faithful, here's the footage for the rounds that didn't make the final cut: Adolf and Darwin go head to head in the dress up as a cowboy and catch a slippery grumpig competition. The winner was the one who identified the 'real pretty mouth first'. Darwin doing pretty bady in the chat up a bitch round. There was also the hide the sausage round but that's a post for a slow news day y'know? Bonus features!

As some may be aware, if you buy a new copy of Dragonage you get a redemption code for 'The Stone Prisoner' DLC included in the box. For those not buying a new copy the DLC will cost you 1200MS Points, which quite frankly is quite a lot for a little plot and an extra character. But hey it's a nice way of keeping people buying new games and supporting the medium right? Well imagine my dismay when I see on the back of the box in the small print that the code expires on April 30th! Seeming like an obvious EA scheme to maintain the high price of an ageing game I was naturally pissed off. However dear reader, the silver lining (and the point) of this tale is that I fired in the code anyway (on June 2nd) and it worked anyway!! So if you are on the fence about buying this great  game and feeling cheated about the DLC, then get involved, the code (as of June 2nd) has yet to expire! Đ