That guy's a Maniac...

We've only been playing Xenoblade Chronicles pretty much exclusively recently. Life gets in the way and the game that is perhaps best served in a long glass and supped over the course of a long evening is instead consumed like downing a can of red bull on the tube in the morning whilst tyring to read a newspaper with some sweaty office twat with his elbow in your balls. We also happen to be completionists so instead of skipping most of the optional quests that realistically wouldn't impact our game bar the loss of some EXP and the odd bit off gear, we literally can't skip a single one. WE PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THIS GAME WE'LL EXPERIENCE ALL OF IT. So with this background to consumption, we're finding playing Xenoblade Chronicles slipping from a fun game to a bit of a grind. Desperate to progress the story we keep spotting new NPC quests. You see the game has a day night cycle and the NPCs don't stand around like WoW pricks just giving you out quests. This ...

I was really struggling to recall any stand out gaming experience this year. There were plenty of polished experiences but nothing that particularly blew my mind. UNTIL LAST NIGHT! We treated ourself to Wii Play Motion, partly for a sexy red controller to match our sexy red classic controller but also to finally get on the Wii Motion train almost two years after it came out, now that Zelda makes the accessory worth owning. Before, this list didn't seem to justify the purchase. We were big fans of Wii Play especially Tanks!, in fact we think there are only 41 games better than it in existence . So we were quite looking forward to Wii Play Motion. Don't get us wrong there are some rum games in the pack and the experience is severely hampered if you don't have more than one Wii Motion Plus controller. Sometimes rather unnecessarily, a number of the games could easily have been pass the controller multiplayer. However, Star Shuttle is phenomenal and we wish there was...

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are happy to announce that the Barioth from Monster Hunter Tri is the latest video game character to enter the 'Jumpy Twat Hall of Fame'. Barioth is the latest video game character to have solicited over 1 million frustrated calls of 'Jumpy Twat!' and thus eligible to enter the JTHoF joining such luminary jumpy twats as all of Bowser's children, Half Life headcrabs, Alien facehuggers and eliminators from Resident Evil. Jumpy Twats all. Why can't you just stand still for a second? I'm just trying to do something.

Ten ways to beat the recession if you are a gamer: 1) Play all those games you haven't completed yet. This will probably see you through until 2010. 2) Laugh at your friends who spent their money on houses, cars and children instead of games. Your games haven't devalued over time, in fact with the current glut of mediocre games and sequels they may even have grown better with time. Your games won't leave you and take your children because you can't afford the lavish house and expensive food bills anymore. That's why games are great and real people selfish and 'orrible. 3) Invite all your friends who are saving money by not going out to trendy bars, clubs and to foreign countries for holidays over to your house for some mashed sessions. Show them that gaming has been valuable all along not just when you don't have anything else going on. 4) Pick up some cheap games that real people are desperately selling on Ebay. All those real people who bought a...

Did you set up a website to discuss the hot topics in your lifestyle/hobby area of interactive gaming? Were you underwhelmed when nobody cared about what you had to say because the coverage on Kotaku was more even handed and up to date? If the answer to any of those questions is yes then fear not. You are a sad fanboy but by following our hot guide you'll have that template blog up and running again before you google your site url to see if anyone linked to you this week. Step 1: Even if your site is really shit, get sponsored ads almost before you have any other content. This makes your content-lite website look professional and if you get any hits in the future you might generate an income! To add a further professional air get that advertising that highlights words throughout the blog. There's nothing less frustrating than boxes of text popping up every time the cursor accidentally floats over words like "here" or "price drop". Step 2: After taking...

Stupid gamers. Stupid stupid gamers. Nobody cares about anything you think is important so stop wasting the internet filling it up with trite and pseudo-intellectual bullshit like you are debating the future of the human race. Like masturbation, building cathedrals out of matchsticks, and knifing grannies, gaming is a hobby. Some people enjoy it, others don't. the difference being that most other hobbyists don't obsess about it to such a horrifying degree There's a lot of "debate" at the moment around video games here they are all summed up and solved by yours truly hopefully freeing up the internet for some more hand drawn Tifa porn pictures. Games need stories. By far the most popular whinge by game developers themselves. However, here is the lowdown;No they don't. Game makers want to be wanked off by the film and movie critics and the only way to do that is to make your game arty and cinematic and wanky. A film gets released and there are glamorous ...

You've no doubt read the story now. The new RE5 trailer came out and showed Chris (from Resident Evil) or a Chris look-alike in Africa just walking around thinking about buying some beads 'n' shit. Then you see some zombie zombieness and afterwards, footage of Chris taking them out a la Resident Evil 0-4. Oh, yeah but most if not all of the zombies are black. So this inspired all of these cunts to talk about it and the nasty gaming community came out of their A-Holes to be racist to everyone and the anti-racist and race awareness part of the blogosphere mobilised and put up a bit of a fight. Good points were put forward by both sides blah blah blah....... What none of these idiots (some of them are real idiots and others are self confessed intellectual idiots) picked up on is that it should be Resident Evil 6 not Resident Evil 5 . For fuck's sake guys focus on the real issue. Capcom you still ain't wrote me back and to be honest it's getting near to ...

.......from kotaku , which is alright I guess. Anyway, our skirts are literally dripping now so head over to here to get yourself off to screenies etc. In other news, I bought my first Xbox game today and it's a shameful one. Know what it is? Answers in a comments box plz.