That guy's a Maniac...

Chuff_72 is back. He's stranded on a isolated island somewhere and only has his mobile phone to play games on. He's been kind enough to wire his reviews over so we can laugh and point at mobile 'games'. They'll never be the future. This is Slayin (no “g”, no fucking apostrophe either, apparently RETRO means bad grammar too). Despite looking like shit it’s really enjoyable, and a cleverly condensed RPG in the mould of the infinite runner, because that little blue lump keeps on running, but only on one screen. If you run into stuff with your pointy thing they die, if they run into your back passage you lose a chunk of life. There is a jump button, it’s the massive grey button on the right. The controls (left, right, jump) work for once, which is cause for much rejoicing. During levels you can run into a shop and buy upgrades to keep you running, there are boss fights, and cheevos. It’s really good. That’s pretty much the review, below is all moani...

Chuff's our man on the mobile. He's been playing some games on mobiles and some thoughts have struck him thensly. Note, there's a super secret ending to this post only available to those who have played the game: Well shit, when did “Might And Magic” become “Might & Magic”? What a god damn shame, I guess that’s a pretty damning indictment of our life and times right there. I guess As, Ns and Ds and pretty fucking old school, we don’t want to alienate the Kids. A little pre-amble; My first experience of the Might And Magic series of games was on the original Playstation, it was an incredible Third Person, True 3D extravaganza called Crusaders of Might and Magic. Review: 10/10 WARNING IGN LINK  Wait! Three out of Ten? I guess my memories of the game are pretty muddy… Well, anyway, after smashing that game to bits I was hooked. Come the Playstation 2 era and the first game I played and completed was the awesome sequel, Warriors Of Might And Magic. ...

Chuff_72 is our man on the Mobile. He's a fallen hero, once a proud gamer now weighed down by responsibilities and such. Where he once played all kinds of games for the betterment of man his gaming life is now spent hiding in toilets and bushes trying to squeeze the most out of mobile games. Games which some people are calling the future and others are saying, steady on pal, Angry Birds and Cut the Rope we're alright but the rest is a big bucket of clunge fodder. He's been tapping away at a little game called Punch Quest. Over to you Chuff, half man, shadow of his former self. This article was sent to us from inside a dustbin so low has the gamer fallen:  Turns out that running infinitely is fun times. DINOSAUR ALERT . Looks shit, right? A budget SNES game. This is Punch Quest, it’s fucking great.  It’s an “infinite running” game, which is essentially a platformer where you don’t have to worry about pressing “right” on the d-pad, because we don’t have time f...

Chuff's back. He's our man on mobile which has been pretending to do games for a long time . Over to Chuff_72. Look at this shit, does this look like the sort of game a tough Role Playing Mother Fucker like me would be into?  So for some reason (for any reason - AMERICA), I’ve been attracted to these really tough, unforgiving platformers that have been creeping into the App store. I really got into a game called League of Evil , smashed it, then smashed up the sequel, three starring the shit out of it BEFORE they nerfed all the completion times so your Mum (Mom) could finish it too while she’s rubbing one out (rubbing, furiously, there’s a squeaky noise and everything). It’s got some story. It’s about a boy who has an uncomfortably close relationship with his Granny who he keeps in the attic. Then Aliens happen.  The controls are pretty gross, a button* for up, down, left and right, NO DIAGONAL, because if the C64 taught us anything, it’s that pressing the ...

Are mobile games any good yet? Are they even proper games? For dinosaur games no definitely not . Chuff_72 continues to look at mobile games and work out if they are any good yet here's his skinny on Infinity Blade 2 .   Infinity Blade 2, in my opinion, is the sequel to Infinity Blade, and it’s a good one.   I'm fairly certain I completed the first game, where *SPOILERS* you defeat the End Boss *END SPOILERS*, however at the start of this one he is not dead, I guess that's standard for an Immortal… I'm not sure why we all thought he was dead, he clearly states he is Immortal a number of times, so yeah, not unexpected. The original ended on a cliff-hanger of sorts, and there was a cool "hidden" ending. This time there is a new random woman, the main guy has gained a name and a voice and then he dies, only to wake up in a metal cave/room, wearing only his pants.   While the game does seem to just chuck you in head first apparently there is a whole n...

Chuff_72 is an occasional correspondent who has been even more (or is that less) occasional in recent years because, well, here's his story. Chuff_72 used to be a proper gamer. He used to run a clan . He has an impressive collection of games, particularly an amazing collection from the PlayStation era. Then, as happens to us all, life happened. A job, a girlfriend (who does not tolerate gaming on the family TV) and a mortgage meant that game time just disappeared. Gaming was reserved for rare geekends, two filthy days holed up with other men, geeking out on video games, CCG and movies. Then one of the geeks died. And one moved to America. And now we meet maybe three times a year. A sorry existence for Chuff with but a fingernail hold into the world of gaming. Then the Xbox 360 broke. Now his only window into gaming is finding games to play on the iphone on the daily commute. We're informed that mobile games are the future, well here's a perspective from someone who ...

Dude, I rented Assassassassinssss Creed over the weekend and busted that bad boy right open - CAUTION, OPINION WITHIN MAY NOT BE OF THE POPULAR VARIETY. First off, I DO like this game, it is fun and looks pretty. However, it is also, misleading, rushed, boring, repetitive, annoying and overrated. Fun. I finished this game and enjoyed it, I liked the story and the characters, I thought the future elements were nice and especially that you are a Bartender called Desmond (Spoiler?), though very divisive (this game is basically a setup for a new franchise, even EA would be ashamed of the obviousness of this) and the game felt cool to play, it does a good job of making you feel like a badass (except the main dude swings his hips a little too much.) Badassedness. Of course, this is what *every* game should be about. Altair isn’t supposed to be a ‘badass’ for Fuck’s sake, he’s from a religious sub-sect from post islamic intent on destabilisation of the muslims. Duh. Looks pretty. Oh yes...

Yes, here at TGAM, we have lost the plot a bit. We don't actually play games anymore but we like to think we are characters in a Douglas Coupland book*. Fortunately, Chuff_72, our man on the street, does play games. Here are his thoughts on hyped to the max Assasin's Creed. SPOILER_O_RAMA Dude, I rented Assassassassinssss Creed over the weekend and busted that bad boy right open - CAUTION, OPINION WITHIN MAY NOT BE OF THE POPULAR VARIETY. First off, I DO like this game, it is fun and looks pretty. However, it is also, misleading, rushed, boring, repetitive, annoying and overrated. Fun. I finished this game and enjoyed it, I liked the story and the characters, I thought the future elements were nice and especially that you are a Bartender called Desmond (Spoiler?), though very divisive (this game is basically a setup for a new franchise, even EA would be ashamed of the obviousness of this) and the game felt cool to play, it does a good job of making you feel like a badass (excep...

Yes in our long running series (2 including this one) of up to the minute live blogging of videogames events posted a month after the fact we are proudish to relay our thoughts on the Pokemon Summer Day Camp way back on the 25th of August. Yes after all my fanboy whinging about how Nintendo hates europe, it seems that they heard my whiny plees and decided to do a Pokemon Summer Day Camp which promised much pokemon related fun and the oppurtunity to get a Mew for the GBA games, which is sure generous Nintendo. How many other games let their players wait 4 years to get something they should have had anyway..... So Chuff_72, our TGAM street correspondant and myself went along in the interests and purity of videogame journalism. Definitely not because neither of us wanted to go alone and one of us, really, really wanted to go. As it turns out we were both movinghouse that weekend but promises and pleading with our better halves meant we busted down to sunny Brent Cross in London for ...

Chuff_72 is our maniac on the street and he regularly send us stuff to post when we are too busy doing pointless challenges and mixing up T-Virus to destroy the world if Capcom doesn't deliver vidjogames on demand. His stirling efforts have earned him at least a cameo in the TGAM film and he is an unlockable character in TGAM the game . Anyway, here at TGAM we are dedicated to doing what everyone else already did before us, and doing it twice! Here are some more thoughts on that game what came out recently Halo 3. Take it away Chuffty: "Dude, just a quick email to tell you how much fucking fun halo 3 is online. I didn't play any of the various deathmatch types or any of that bollocks, and while I checked out some co-op story which was okay, though pretty hard to follow with myself, the Dr and two fellow TFUs, shouting about the Gheys in the trees, most of the time I had no idea where to go apart from follow the little countdown marker thing, AND friendly fire was on, wit...

Here in the good old U of K it is snowing. In England (Scotland can handle snow and no-one has heard from Wales for years) when it snows everything breaks. Trains, cars, airplanes, TV reception, Everything. However, Lady and Gentlemens even though we are currently all snowed in, with only a couple of cans of Heinz Beanz for sustinence until Spring, wonder-commentor and Honorary Hardcore Maniac, Chuff_72 has written the world's first review of Lost Planet to coincide with more than a little bit of snow in England's capital. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IT HAS HAPPENED PEOPLE, you saw it here first* Take it away Chuffter: "Is it cool to tell yourself, "I told you so"? I watched all the video's, downloaded all the demos and masturbated over my copy of EDGE, yet at the back of my mind there was a feeling that there was something wrong with this slice of arcade pie... To begin with I followed the crowd, the Dr ( Dr Wo 69, also a stalwart Maniac and long term gamer. He ...

So this arrived in the post today! Now all I need is a computer that can run it. Stupid PC gaming. Still, in the event of the end of the world I can travel from town to town scrounging tractor batteries to run top of the range PCs and I don't have to worry about finding the game. I'm going to put this game and all my other dinosaur games in a bullet proof CD case and carry them on me at all times just in case the end of the world happens. On that note, I'm now cheating on That Guy's a Maniac with my new blog Cunzy11'sdinosaursingames blog. I'm going to be the world's leading expert on dinosaurs in games and co-author of the World's Second Greatest Videogame Blog! Just see if I ain't....... In other, non-dinosaur related news, Chuff_72 , long time commentor, member of Catch the Monkeys and other Games B69 and guest writer is on a mission to discover London's greatest game stores. Here's a sneak preview of his antics on Saturday, t...