That guy's a Maniac...

It happens to us all, we hit the end credits and we slowly die inside as various names scroll past our eyes, as 50+ hours of investment in characters and mechanics is being taken away from us. This time it is happening to me, y t again, I am left with a a hollow void in my heart where once lay Project X Zone 2. It has been a wonderful adventure, All of these characters coming together to save the world from the Deux Ex Machina that is "Dimensions Melding".  It doesn't matter to me! I dig the gameplay but equally love the visual novel aspect... the interactions are priceless: I'll miss these guys. Roll on Project X Zone 3, (maybe time to go back and play New game+ on Project X Zone?) Love and KOS-MOS Richie X

So I fucking bought San Andreas... Again. (Currently owned: PS2, Steam, Windows Phone, now 360) It was really just on a whim, £2.99 on XBox Live seemed well worth a punt. I had a dick-about with the iOS/Windows Phone version and as cool as it is to have San Andreas in your "pocket" the controls are just wank. Nobody likes a fake dual analogue stick game. But the 360 version is worth it. Its prettier than 10 years ago, it now has achievements, it actually stands the test of time! Downside is after playing the iOS version I am very aware that this is the port of the iOS version and now a newly reconditioned version, there are obvious giveaways with the controls. And it crashed a couple of times. Love and Hot Coffee, Richie

ZOMG how can the mega corporate beast that is EA with all its staff and testers and managers and everything all come together to produce an underwhelmingly underfinished game that can only be played online? Well dear reader you gotta break it down. and look at it from the stand point of a corporate machine: Point 1. The always online aspect was an immovable benchmark for EA and the Maxis games. The growing trend in the previous sim games was online connectability with growing focus on the origin community and microtransactions i.e. buying outfits and furniture in the Sims 3. To set a standard for "always online" games creates benefits that are at minimum two-fold: all future games will be online and monitored, thus less piracy and less association with the internet swearword "DRM", and secondly to generate a sim-community for milking cash-cow games with standardised sign-up accounts across all games. Point 2. The quality and technicality of the online experi...

So we love video game music. Not all of it, but when it is good we'll take it over millionaires crooning about getting their arse out or falling in love any day. It gets into our mind. So (bear with me) there's an advert on TV for the perfume Opium which has been on the idiot box quite a lot recently. I keep seeing it and it reminded me of a game. In particular this ad at 20 seconds.   Eventually, it came to me! It's from the Notre Dame theme from Timesplitters 2, composed of course by Graemem Norgate, one of the few men we'd happily marry without even meeting (we swooned when he wrote to us ). The relevant bit is in the vid DOWN HERE at 1:31:   And of course, both of these were 'inspired by' a certain Mr Mozart, this vid at 2:35.   Here's the handy URLs to skip the rest and straight to the bit I'm on about should you wish you music cretin Opium , Splitters , Mozart . That's it. Just saying. Jeez. End of the music lesson. Now. Fuck o...

I mean. What were we expecting? Finally a games award ceremony that did games proud? An awards ceremony without cringey moments? We should know by now to temper our expectations. Highlights: Notch gave an excellent speech that at least gave the impression somebody at the ceremony actually knew about games. The début games category was strong. Modern Warfare 3 not picking up any awards.  Also, at some points there were some attractive ladies on stage (and the Saturdays). Lowlights: Little Big Planet 2 not only getting nominated but winning three awards! Dara 'O' Breen or whatever his name is misgauging quite a few jokes by either being too in-the-know or too off-the-peg-stereotypes. About six games getting nominated for most of the awards. Poor categories as ever. Proper Z-list celebrities presenting awards, at least poorly known games industry folk look liked they knew why they were there and what was going on. Rare people for being too a) American b) Arrog...

If you are a game-o-phile and allergic to metaphorical feathers you will have no doubt got some snuffles last week as everyone and their dog (on our feedreader) got their tits in a twizzle about Jennifer Helper and comments taken out of context about some game called Mass Effect. An inoffensive summary is here . It is the kind of news that bloggers love to write about. It gives them a chance to play the White Knight, pass-off a comment about how horrible Xbox Live is and then fire off some unhelpful suggestions about how the gaming community at large should combat the par for the course racist, misogynist, etcist environment in games and on the internet at large (we should confront them for it and report them to Microsoft is a strategy that hasn't worked up until now).  So what is this all about then? Jennifer Helper who didn't write Mass Effect may or may not have said words to the effect that combat should be skippable in games. Cue- the "it is a vocal minority ...

Oh my god you guys, watch this:  THIS IS DISGUSTING. Capcom should be ashamed of themselves. Did they not learn from Resident Evil 5? This trailer is so racist.   1) First of all this game is telling four year olds (everyone knows that four year olds play these games) that it is okay to shoot white men who are world leaders. Could've made the president black or a woman or a black woman. But no. A white guy. Disgusting. Don't they know that this kind of imagery (people shooting white presidents) is charged with history?   2) It is racist against white presidents who wear glasses. Ut oh, I'd watch out if I were you Giorgio Napolitano cos come 2012 there's gonna be a whole bunch of racist four year olds trying to shoot you up in the face/eyes.   3)All the zombies are white ironically, including a jumping zombie. Don't they know that this kind of imagery (white people shooting jumping white people) is charged with history? Capcom just assumes...

Two MCV links in as many days. Good on ya MCV, no doubt our publicity (we are the second greatest video game blog in all of existence as proved by science, probably the firs now as Harvind1 has seemingly gone offline) will give them a numbers boost. This interview with Ralph Baer over at the Salt Lake City Tribune has him bemoaning modern video games. MCV ran with the quote: “I think it’s a disgrace,” he told The Salt Lake Tribune. “What I created got abominated.” Now when we aren't not whinging , we often are whinging but Ralph doesn't feel the need (or it wasn't reported) quite what he finds disgraceful. Tom Nook's prices and stock rotation? The outrageous camping that goes on in Team Fortress 2? Nauseating DRM? Too many busty women in games? Not enough women working in games? The Water Temple in OoT? The fact that Rogue Squadron 2 boots you all the way back to the menu screen every time you fail a mission? That no other video game does water better than Baldur...

Is another brilliant and flawed but only brilliant because it is flawed wii game with more a more fresh feel than anything on release on the HD consoles. Playing it reminded me a lot of the awesome Shadow of Memories for the PS2 despite the fact they have nothing in common at all except they feature a guy. Just saying that's all. You play as Ray somebody who is an all American hero and former International Rescue Team member following a totally predictable tragedy. Ray depressed about the tragedy is now a pen pusher at the Crisis Managment Division until he gets called back in to service. The game follows a series of (not so outlandish it seems) events that start with an earthquake, then a tsunami, followed by a nuclear threat and then gets even more ridiculous with everything from firestorms, volcanic eruptions, floods, terrorist battles and even a lahar. BRING ON THE CHEESE. The game is so cheesy its hard not to smile or believe that the developers are unknowing in the cheesiness...

In this month's Official Nintendo Magazine the paedo and the three five year olds are asking for readers to vote for their games of the year in various categories. I tried to find a weblink for this activity but alas! The ONM website SUCKS . Properly SUCKS . Okay. It's all here apparently . Anyway the point of this post is that I have only played one game in all those shortlisted in all seven categories (obviously, not including Most Anticipated). The only game I have played is Dead Rising: Chop Til' You Drop which is nominated for biggest let down. Which, isn't fair. It is purely misunderstood. Where do you people get the time to buy and play all these games? I'm a fan of gaming, a fan of Nintendo with a bit of disposable income and I haven't played a single game highly rated from the last year!? Where do the kidz get all the money? How many have you played TGAM reader(s)?

Total.

This weekend we got a copy of Resident Evil Degeneration, the new CGI Resident Evil film. Despite watching the first ten second trailer a hundred times we managed to stay away from any kind of exposure of the film at all. After watching it, here are out thoughts on the film and exactly where capcom got it all exactly wrong everywhere. Warning: SPOILERS, although technically there has to be a plot in order for it to be spoiled at all. What we wanted. You may remember this post (before all the Wow gayness) about our hopes and fears for the film that takes on the most precious game in the entire world, Resident Evil 2. Here was our wishlist: 1) Will Smith cast as the face of Marvin Branagh. 2) Zombie and/or Claire tits. 3) Herbs. 4) The line "That guy's a maniac, why'd he bite me?" 5) The exact same plot as Resident Evil 2. In fact don't spend money making a whole new film just record someone playing Resident Evil 2 and stick it on DVD that would be bes...

Yes you are aren't you? If you are the three people that came here yesterday looking for "soul calibur xxx" you probably want to go here or here . If you are the people desperate to find the "devil may cry 4 front mag" stuff you should go here . For the person looking for jay haffling, presumably Jay himself, go here . For the sicko who was looking for people with viagra naked, I would refine your search a bit first and the sad soul looking for porn guy blogger, we presume you didn't find them here. Disappointing people, disappointing. Where is the imagination? Where are the searches for Guy Cocker or Naked Bif ? We've got baby death and all kind of things to put into any orifice of choice . Boobs you want boobs? We got boobs in various flavours, WoW , Resident Evil Underboob (neathage) to mention but a mere few. We got spluff the biscuit going on too. You're not even googling terms like Red & White Bum Marmite and Green and bloody douche ...

Cunzy1 1: You know what would be neato chap? Richie: What's that? Cunzy1 1: A picture that showed family life of the Birkin family from Resident Evil 2 Richie: Oh. You mean before William Birkin impregnates his own daughter. Cunzy1 1: No. Like way before. Richie: Before Sherry is even born? Cunzy1 1: Yeah, you know. Just the Birkins chilling out at the lab. Annette is due any day... Richie: Cha ching. Thank you deviant art! Cunzy1 1: Isn't that nice. Richie: Yeah. That's magic. Cunzy1 1: And look their home is a lab! Richie: Or maybe they are at work. Cunzy1 1: Yeah William Birkin is totally trying to get her to go home. Richie: But the research Willy. Cunzy1 1: Yeah, she does call him Willy doesn't she? Richie: Yes because in America it's not as funny as it is here. Cunzy1 1: You know what would also be awesome? Richie: A picture of the so totally underage Sherry Birkin all hypersexualised with a gun and her butt hanging out? ...

Nintendo are allegedly very displeased.

This christmas is gearing up to be a good one and already it's very heavily video game oriented. The TV is running Hitman the movie ads almost every ad break and the trailers for Assasin's Creed and Need for Speed Pro Street are popping up quite a bit, as well as others. They seem to be good adverts too, grown up ads, no longer the reserve of horrible ALRIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT American voice over tat or Sony wankery they used to be. This month's EDGE has an interesting schpiz on marketing for games and how much money is thrown at the great unwashed on marketing alone. Up to 15 percent of a game's net receipts is spent on marketing and for titles released worldwide for christmas up to £7 million is being spent. Recent discussions with Giant Enemy Guitar Hero suggest that PR and advertising may be the way to go about getting your game off the shelves regardless of unfulfilled promises by developers and publishers in pre-launch hype. The oft cited poor initial receptions ...

Last week, Richie and I travelled to snowy Estonia for the wedding of our old friend Randy McSporran . Suffice to say the event was chaotic and it's probably a good thing that Cunzy and Richie are normally seperated by several hundred miles. Memory is still a bit hazy but here is the summary; Stansted at midnight, vodka, coke, Pokemon Diamond, smking, checking-in, vodka and red bull at 3 in the morning, legendary battle, Ponyta, Omastar, Focus Band, Cunzy afraid of flying, airport dimensia, immaturity, Doug and Liz, Easy Jet, flying, landing, Randy and Ollie, new friends, sniffer dogs, bus, 'fit' or 'fat', hotel, mini bar, spluff on beds, snooker, MacDonalds, Kat, supermarket, Seaman's shot, Absinthe , Dark Dog , cheese waffles, Kent fags, drinking, raging, stupid cocktail, some other liquer, mixers, bull pish, more absinthe, Richie vomit, pub, Pokemon talk, stag night, kissing men, fighting, beer, Richie wiping things of his shoe onto a girl, strip club, lots o...

Going back to earlier what about the other "minorities" that want a place to meet similar people who play videogames with a forum. The ladies have many places and so do gaymers but what about: 1) Blue Lilies- A blog and forum for gamers who like to play with blue avatars. 2) Dead Lilies- A blog and forum for gamers who have been, will be or are dead. 3) Wilting Lilies- A blog and forum for gamers who have no bones in their bodies. 4) Blooming Lilies- A blog and forum for adolescent male gamers who get the blame most of the time for all the ills of the internet and forums and MMORPGs even though they may not be to blame. For every sexist comment I see a gazillion adolescentist comment. 5) Lily Livers- A blog and forum for gamers who are but disembodied organs/aggregates. 6) Dino Lillies- A blog and forum for gamers who want to see more dinosaurs in games! 7) Black Lilies- A blog and forum for gamers with leprosy or frostbite. 8) No. I'm done. I've...

... it is the taking part that counts. Following Richie's stream of posts in the last few weeks I thought I'd take the baton and do a post of my very own. Here it is. This weekend I was on the continent (what English people say when they go to 'Europe'. N.B. please don't refer to the English, Irish (or parts of), Welsh or Scots as 'British'. As far as I'm aware none of these countries wants to be associated with any of the others and the only time we might concede to being British is when England are knocked out of some sporting competition and we have to support one of the other British teams. Further N.B this only occurs when the English are knocked out. If Scotland, Wales or Ireland are knocked out of a competition they actively support whoever is opposing England). I won't worry you with the for whys but In one of the big electronics shops media markt I saw a site to behold- the videogames sections. Unlike GAME or HMV or Virgin or wherever, the ...

Creator of the original Playstation, Chuff_72 has called for Dr Wo 69 to "give him a hand". This follows a number of actual frags caused by Marine34 which has forced Chuff to hide behind one of the sofas on the first floor of the Mansion map. Chuff_72 was called a "Pokeyman" on Gears of War by Marine34 late last night on a round in The Mansion level in online multiplayer. Chuff_72 is now refusing to leave his hiding place behind a sofa on the first floor. "I'm afraid to leave cover. In the chat in the menu screen he was pretty adamant that he was going to 'smoke me and then hump my corpse' he has done it to me before on other levels" Chuff said from his cover earlier today. He has called for Dr Wo 69 to "Get upstairs and cover me". Whilst fighting in Gears of War is common Chuff is convinced that Marine34 is stalking him because he repeatedly tagged Marine 34 with smoke grenades which in competitive play is seen by some players as a b...