That guy's a Maniac...

Now just quickly I would like to emphasise that I ain't no geek, I don't know anything about vampires or shit like that, certainly nothing about rolling D20's for initiative, or the white wolf series, that sort of stuff is for nerds. So Paradox have recently teased us with some tweets and images of some new project they are working on. This has lead to an out cry of journos everywhere going, "Oh my god that is that bit from the original Vampire: The Masquerade game!" Which is in part right, they are locations from Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines, however Bloodlines was not the Original game, it was Vampire: The Masquerade Redemption. People tend to forget the original Vampire: The Masquerade game overshadowed by its sequel, Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines ( ed: so many colons! ), yet VTMR ( ed: phew ) really caused a stir for being an obscure PC game from 2000. VTMR was released at peak Nihilistic Antihero trenchcoat time. Post-Matrix, when e...

We are now up to killing these guys. For those of you who have played it you would know that that is not very far. Some people interpret these guys to be "Teh Blacks". Because they are um black? But they have horns and big pointy teeth. To be honest I'm not too happy about genociding them. Two of them were talking to each other just over a tree topped bluff whilst my guys were clearing rocks out of the way to start the genocide. Touchingly, the two chaps were talking about wood, crowns (maybe me?) and each other. I was struck by a pang of guilt as my inept force mowed them down in bloodless violence. One of my guards stood on the head of one and hacked at it with a sword in the face. It turned into a sweet. The horn of another one was harvested for the town coffers. Elsewhere about the town two citizens and two of my guards got married. Both instantly received a delivery of a new born child, one of which saw active service in the genocide mentioned above about four secon...

We aren't fans of recycling shit from the internet but sometimes it's worth it. By *sigh* RoflCopter 761 via Halolz

...It's a bit of a dead genre. Pun intended.

That's not what we're going to do here children. No sir. You see, the group: "gamers" can be divided up into neat little slices and everyone within a particular slice demonstrates exactly the same behaviours and acts in a similar way. Schools in America and "the man" will have you believe that we are all different. We're not. Most of us can be neatly pigeonholed and our every behaviour predicted from a mile away. "Diablo players" is the name of one such pigeonhole-slice as is "gays" and "the sikhs"*. So for example, if I said "All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world", I would be: a) Correct and b) A total wanker. All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world. It is true. Don't believe me? Check this utter piece of shite over at MTV Multiplayer. I read it and thou...

In order to belatedly celebrate our 2nd birthday and Capcom's 25th birthday and because there is nothing happening in games at all we're going to sell out like IGN and do TGAM top 25 no a top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever. To shake up the usual format we're going to start at number 50 and work our way through until we get to number 1. Then we're going to stop and do other posts. Given our recent activity levels this will probably take 38 years because we'll lose enthusiasm after number 47. So don't just sit around wanking over big brother for the next 38 years. Instead start pointless forum posts hypothesising about who is going to be number 11. Write a letter to EDGE when we include Final Fantasy XI but not VI or VII! Try to convince us to put any Zelda or Metroid* games in the list. You even have your chance to vote** for the top ten in this list so try to get all those underated multimillion selling games like Ico ...

So instead of the normal whinging about games as if we played games (we just play Resident Evil 2 over and over again). This bank holiday meant that I had some pretty full on game time. Heres some reviews for the usual reasons; 1) Dynasty Warriors 6 Unbelievably, significantly worse than Dynasty Warriors 3. 2) Haze. Imagine Half Life on the PC set in the jungle from the original Crash Bandicoot with a sprinkling of AI taken from Marvel Super Heroes. From now on, Free Radical did nothing after TS2 in our eyes. They went under and will be missed. 3) Zack & Wiki. Genuinely very good, beyond our normal Capcom bias, actually very very good. Wii owners please stop buying shovelware and pick this up. Ya? 4) Endless Ocean. Game of the decade. 100/10. Deadly serious. 5) Devil May Cry 4. Yeah, well I used to be a fan of DMC. Too much annoying capcom checkpoint saving annoyingness. :( 6) Grand Theft Auto IV. Life draining, fun but a bit bland? 7) Resident Evil Umbrella Chro...

As if Adding Yoda and Vader wasn't geeky enough! Check this Shit... Yoshimitsu has an Ammonite on his flag :D Ammonites in popular culture include: Omastar Omanyte Luv n' hugs, Richie

What happens when evolutionary selection becomes all but redundant in a species but at the same time boys no longer grow up to be men? This happens Seriously, next they'll have to be told which hole to put it into. Expect a DS version later this year so that geeks can pick up on the fly.