That guy's a Maniac...

AKA: MADD Tucked away in the porniest part of soho in amongst the sleazy strip clubs, exuberant gay bars and depressing peep shows, there lay our nemesis: a pop-up version of   Loading bar . Years ago we came up with the idea of the games themed pub, then some fuckers did it. We just lay here writhing in our own jealousy . The problem with the Loading bar  is that it is miles away from anywhere, in Cornwall. To analogise this via the medium of Final Fantasy VII its like having a major metropolis like Midgar and putting the gaming pub on the island with the city of ancients. Or Zelda: Ocarina of Time... Its like having a major metropolis like Hyrule Castle/Village and having the pub in the Gerudo desert. In any case they spotted this and decided to put a pop-up version of the bar in London. In a creepily placed mango enthusiasts cafe? The interior was sad, tired and far from the hi-tech branded won...

Our part of the Internet is all a flutter about A not THE Steam Box (Piston or something) and now some biometric gaze tracking thing but I for one couldn't care less. Note, American friends it is couldn't care less not could care less. Could care less means that you still care about something. You could lower the level of care about something. Couldn't care less. Could Not. Anyway, I'll probably never be a PC gamer. Don't get me wrong I think PC games can be brilliant. Rock Paper Shotgun is my little window into the world of PC games and every now and then I'll get a little bit jealous of the gaming opportunities I'm missing out on. I love the stories that come from the RPS team and the unique gaming experiences that can only be had with mods, indie platformers almost as good as older platformers, the 'five second' games and loser generated stuff that really reaches into the upper echelons of what gaming is capable of being. On the other hand t...

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllshit . I call bullshit on this oft quoted excuse for men playing as female characters. Because in most games you rarely look at your character, you're focused on the environment, stuff and things. Also, depending on how you associate with your various avatars it's kinda creepy to perve on the character that you are playing. SO here's the reasons why, given a choice I'll probably play as a female character. ITS ALL ABOUT ME HOLMES. Male Characters Are Boring. Dull, dull, dull. Chinned stubbly affairs driven by revenge or sometimes sheer gruffness. The mind numbing you-aren't-kidding-anyone shit that leaves their mouth, normally with a voice like a 40 a day batman with an acute throat infection, is nothing any man has ever knowingly uttered apart from actors in exciting action films with awful plots. More often than not they are the default character too. The guy will have the standard punch and the standard gun. ...

This kind of thing ( IF we notice it, that's a big IF) is game breaking for us. It seems more and more to use that hardcore games are anything but and casual games seem to be good for the kind of challenge that made games so compelling in the first place. Doesn't matter anyway BECAUSE YOU ALL BOUGHT IT IN THE MILLIONS. P.S Multiplayer is for Phags before you even go there. UPDATE WHEN I WAS FIXING THE VIDEO. It turns out I know quite a lot of the Spanish from Resident Evil 4. I don't know what they are saying but I imagine it is the equivalent to Achtung! Schnell Schnell and ACHTUNG GRENADES! in German.

Last weekend was my stag do, which was organised by my gay partner, Richie! Unlike your traditional stag do there was not a stripper in sight. Or going out. At all. Instead it was this groom to be and his bezzy mates playing the games that we all grew up with. I couldn't have asked for a better stag do, I laughed until I cried, I drank until it hurt and we had one last gaming session with all my Slads in one (well, two rooms). Sadly on Sunday I realised this would probably be the last time we'd all be together with nothing but time for playing the games that we cut our teeth on. But enough of the gay stuff! AWARDS TIME! Group Awards. CLICK FOR BIG IMAGE. This will mean very little if you weren't there. Some of the games that came out: Quake 2, Mashed, Mario Kart, Boom Blox, Geometry Wars, Resident Evil 5, Timesplitters 2, Puzzle Fighter, Blazblue, Street Fighter IV, Soul Calibur, Pod Racer, Red Faction Guerilla, Wii Sports, Army of Two and even a spot of doorsies. The weeke...

Warning Gibberish: Super Saiyan 3 Vegeta!!! He's in the game and I'm a happy man. Currently the game is set for a UK release on 23rd of October... I still highly doubt it... Laters, SS3 RichieXX

This is the first post in one of our signature 'series' that never had more than one post in it. You can find all the others (there aren't any and there never will be) under the tag of "Us vs them". This Friday London Fashion Week um, it, well it comes to London? Although it doesn't really go anywhere else. London Fashion week will get miles and miles of column inches over the next couple of weeks from articles in those wanky glossy fashion magazines that look like future porn through to the columns written by plump middle class Bridget Jones wannabes who write for the Guardian. Fashion is an okay thing for people to be interested in. Gaming not so much. Its fine to waste money on shoes, clothes and bags. Not fine to waste money on games. In an not so scholarly analysis we'll have a look to see why one interest is perceived as socially acceptable and the other as socially abhorrent by comparing two of the biggest events in each camps calendar. It...

We aren't fans of recycling shit from the internet but sometimes it's worth it. By *sigh* RoflCopter 761 via Halolz

After years of attention seeking it finally happened. It's the fourth biggest day of our lives. We got a link on Kotaku after we sent a link to this post after Brian C (Big C we call him) didn't take to kindly to our latest tip. Tip 25 reposted here for your eyes only: 25. Rumours abound tips too Handwashing and gargling? Seriously. Are you even trying over there? Here is a good tip for you though which might cause your stomach to erupt if handwashing floats your boat! In the game 100 Classic Books for the Nintendo DS, the summer evening BGM makes a fine accompanyment to a quick read of the Hunchback of Notre Dame because, wait for it, it has bells tolling in the background. Share this tip carefully boyos. He replied with "Hey how’d that happen? You’ve landed on my spam filter." Then I shared the link to the post and it turns out he was a lie head because he then went on to share the link with the whole of Kotaku. What happened nex...

This rather creepy, Something Awful did a generic gamer guy skit: https://www.somethingawful.com/series/gaming-guyz/ It is worrying how similar this is to myself and Cunzy, putting the OTT homoeroticism to one side of course. Hearty Masculine Handshake, Richie

Yes it's Resident Evil Gaiden for the GameBoy Color. Color should have a "u" in it. We've never played it, even though it's ten pounds from amazon. We probably won't either because the GBA is no doubt some kind of corroded battery affair by now. We're also opposed to it because it is called "Gaiden". Which sounds a lot like gay den. Resident evil gay den: After the events of resident evil 1 & 2 Barry and Leon are hanging out at their secret tree house base. After Claire goes to Europe to find her brother, the boys discover through a friendly game of spin the bottle that Leon and Barry may be more than just friends. Play as Barry or Leo in in this exciting adventure for the GameBoy color. Choose the right time to come out to Rebecca. Berate Barry for always going on about Chris as if he is in love with him or something jesus Barry if you love him so much why don't you go to Europe to find him. Tell Leon cunning lies about Ada Wong ...

Right so, I tried logging on to Xbox Live last night, but couldn't as, I have got a new credit card since then... So I check my mail: and I have this in my inbox: To update your credit card information: 1. Select your gamer card. 2. Select Account Management . 3. Select Memberships . 4. Select the membership you want to update. For more info, go to www.xbox.com/support or call Xbox Customer Support at 0800 587 1102. If you have already resolved this issue, please disregard this notice and accept our thanks. Thank you for using Microsoft Online Services. The Xbox Live team. FAIL at step 2.!! The moment you select Account management, it then says "you must be signed in to Xbox live", -.- Caught in a viscous circle where Microsoft wont let me give them my money... To be honest, I'm not actu...

Yes, those perverts at IGN, spurred on by creative juices and out of the box thinking are doing another Top 100 . Let's hope they are doing the list by the rules . Let's check: 1) Don't ever mention Zelda or Metroid. F AILED. Number 78 is Link's Awakening. I suspect the top 30 will be littered with metroids and zeldas. Come on IGN sort it out. 2)When everyone least suspects it pull out a really shitty retro game to fuck off all the youg'ns. PASS ! Number 70 is Tecmo Bowl for the GB and NES. Yes, that's right it is better than Wipeout, Goldeneye, Quake 2 and the original Resident Evil. 3) Ignore all PC games except the crappy Molyneux games that no one really played or enjoyed anyway. FAIL . They've gone for some other shit like Syndicate, Mech Warrior 2 and planetscape:Torment. Selling out. 4) Cram in as many "Great but underrated" games as possible. PASS. Hello! ICO. 5) Put at least one of the Final Fantasies, other than VII above VII...

Sometime soon, not today, maybe not even this year, but before the end of the world Richie and I are going to liveblog playing the ultimate pokemon drinking game. Drinking? Pokemon? Game? I hear no-one say. Yes that's right. Oh you want to play too? Here's the rules: 1) Equitment You have to pronounce equipment as equitment and skeleton as skellington and vehicle as vericle. It's all part of playing the drinking game. Anyway to fully enjoy the Pokemon Drinking Game you need the following: Every single episode of Pokemon the animated series including the films and the Pikachu films (You can illegally download all of these from the internet. I strongly advocate that you do because when 4Kids or Nintendo or whoever finally decide to release all of them in your region there will be 2.5 episodes per DVD and it'll cost £15 each, even then they'll release only half of them). A whole week (7 days, preferably 8) with no other commitments. It might be advisable to send your b...